I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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