She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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