strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
