is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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