Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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