Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
