The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
