just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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