Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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