First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
