you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
