things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
