Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
