i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
