I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just found puke in my bra..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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