you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
