I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
