Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
