Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
