I hate your face
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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