first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
