I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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