she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
