Cold hands, warm shart.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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