Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
