Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
