whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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