My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
