so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
