some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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