If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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