If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
