I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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