if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I think my fart just growled at me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
