We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
