Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
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You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
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Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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