too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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