It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
