just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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