dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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