2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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