and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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