i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
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Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
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Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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