Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
