my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
