Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
