she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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