i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
