im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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