She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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