I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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