THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
