He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
