party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
