so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
