Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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