You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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