ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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