proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
