His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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