Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
