woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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