I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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