you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
