Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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