felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
