It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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