I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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