Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
