I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
