Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
worst night to have a conscience
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
