hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
