This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
