I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
